Well, I’ve been threatening to do this for a long time, and that time has become now.
I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’m announcing a new anthology edited by me, FakeEditor, and published right here by Local Hero Press.
Note: failure to follow these to the letter will get you rejected, probably in a hateful way.
1. This anthology is titled WHO IS EBONY BONESHAFT? and will contain at least twelve and as many as twenty stories depending upon length of approved works.
Ebony Boneshaft was an early creation of FakeEditor, Inc. To best understand it, search for #whoisEbonyBoneshaft on Twitter.
2.The submission period opens at 9 AM, Eastern Standard Time, on September 1, 2014, and closes at 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time, on September 30, 2014. No submissions will be read prior to October 1. The anthology will be published solely in ebook format because I’m being all green and saving trees and crap. Also, I’m cheap. The tentative release date will be February 3, 2015. This may change depending on whether or not I’m hung over.
3. Your submission should be an original short story of 3000-5000 words that answers the question posed in the title. Ebony Boneshaft must be a character within the story, but not necessarily the focal point of the narrative. Here are some things Ebony Boneshaft may not be: An artifact; a weapon; a sex move; a shot (although if any of you more liquored-up types want to invent one, @ it to me on Twitter).
4. Your submission should be emailed as an .odt (preferred, because I’m an open-source hipster) or a .doc (if you’re a sheep) attachment to email@example.com.
5. Your submission should include the following:
a. The story title
b. Your byline. Pseudonyms are okay if you’re afraid your friends might recognize you and laugh. Twitter handles are acceptable.
c. One paragraph about you. It may not include any live hyperlinks except to your Twitter profile. I realize that “paragraph” is opening up a real can of worms as to what constitutes a single paragraph. Rest assured, if I think you’re being a pain in the ass, I’ll send you a picture of a butt in your rejection and probably make fun of you on Twitter.
d. Your story. It should be formatted in Times New Roman 12-pt., single space, with one-inch margins all around and no headers or footers. Your paragraphs should be .25″ indents, and not justified. I prefer smart quotes and apostrophes. If you do not know how to do smart quotes and apostrophes, try to find a first grader to help you with your newfangled computer thingie.
6. I will reject stories for any reason, without mercy, with extreme prejudice and malice aforethought. If you don’t make the cut, suck it up and soldier on, bunky. I will definitely reject stories containing the following: numerous typos, spelling, and grammatical errors; being boring; stories that don’t adhere to the subject matter, stories containing explicit sex, incest, bestiality, or other stuff that will get the book yanked off Amazon. I’m looking at you, dinosaur watersports erotica authors!
Things that will make it more likely that I accept your story:
…I’m still thinking about this. Bribes, maybe?
7.This anthology does not pay an advance, but will pay royalties to all contributors. Contributors will receive 75% of earned royalties divided equally amongst them. So if there are twenty authors, and the anthology makes $10 in royalties because nobody bothers to promote it, each author will receive $0.37, which is a whole lot of pony rides at the grocery store. To get paid, you’ll have to sign a contract, which will be designed to screw you over, because that’s what publishers do, right?
So that’s it, the first open submission call from Local Hero Press! Hope to see your piece in the mailbox in September! Good luck!